Marital stress can be reduced if people made more effort to spend time with spouses

W hile double income earners in the family makes the kitty swell ever so nicely, marital stress is fallout that few are sure how to cope with. Higher self-esteem - yes, easy money - sure; too much to do, fatigue, no time for just us - equally true, unfortunately.

New-age couples face challenges that spring for the most part from lack of time with each other. "Couples bring work or work-related stress home, thus mixing their professional and personal lives. Higher the work stress, more vulnerable the couple is to psychological and emotional problems", says marriage counsellor Gitanjali Sharma.

Working women face a different kind of stress because they have to straddle two very different worlds at the office and at home. Gitanjali quotes a recent research which stated that such women were more prone to depression than housewives, the opposite being true for men. "If one spouse is affected, the marriage is affected", she says.

That the couple needs time together is painfully obvious, but with kids, career and a home clamouring for attention, how in the world does one take out time for each other?

TV actors Rajeev Paul and wife Delnaaz value communication when it comes to problems. "We take short holidays together that are great stress busters. You need to get away from the environment that creates pressures in the first place, and also strike a balance between personal space and togetherness", says Rajeev.

Breaks do help immensely, but it might also serve to take care of the everyday conflicts as they arise. Gitanjali suggests using ‘I' words rather than ‘you' while arguing - ‘I feel hurt', instead of ‘you hurt me'.

TV actor Vikas Sethi and his airhostess wife Amita lead a hectic life. Vikas spends most of his waking hours shooting, while Amita flies the international sector. Yet they have managed to work their way round the only squabble of their marriage - lack of time together.

Says Amita, "We realised that unless we sorted things out we would be two very lonely people in the same house. So we now plan short breaks each month, and I make it a point to time my own meals so that I can share dinner with him, even if it's at 2 am. That one hour with complete attention given to each other carries for long."

Clinical psychologist Dr Renu Bhatia suggests practical stepslike getting out of bed together and sharing the household work. "If possible, travel together a part of the way to work. Keep in touch over phone or email all through the day. One of the spouses can help with cooking a meal to ease the burden. Make sure that the family eats together. A post-dinner walk helps too."

So if you feel sandwiched between your work and home, perhaps it would help to reflect on the neat way Rajeev sums it up "It is very important to keep working on your marriage. Never take anything for granted."